Days Gone By

It has been ages, since I last wrote on xanga. I have missed you, xanga dear. In the time that I have spent away, I have grown into an entirely different girl, graduated-collegebound and already in life with a heart that has been broken once  before. But somehow, to be writing my feelings again out loud, is quite comforting and brings back nostalgic memories of days gone by.

As I sit here and write this, so many different thoughts are running through my head about what I should say, what is worth saying on these public pages of nothingness. And one thing I think I should say is maybe that I feel incredibly liberated since leaving high school but I  suppose that does really need to be iterated because you can tell by looking, talking to me.

Life is so beautiful, smile and give it a high five for peace.

 namaste,

 bethany ann

Spitting Games

 I laugh out loud at about the third verse in this song. It explains everything I feel, and it's sadly hilarious and so true.

I broke into your house last night
And left a note at your bedside
I'm far too shy to speak to you at school
You leave me numb and I don't know why

I find it easier to sit and stare
Than push my limbs out towards you right
My heart is bursting in your perfect eyes
As blue as oceans and as pure as skies

I struggle for the words and then give up
My heads up with the birds on the t-hut
A little piece of mind that I know better
That the plain disgrace of all my letters

After that the floodgates opened up
And I fell in love with everyone I saw
Take your time I'm not in any rush
And it's in everything I ever write

Its not as if I need the extra weight
Confused enough by life so thanks a lot
Lonely written words for company
Just raise the roof this once and follow me
 

 Love, bethany

Ahh... life can be so painful. I feel so old. I feel so many emotions and I don't know what to do. I'm at loss on so many levels. I don't know anymore.

Holiday Memories

 If I could remember anything about the Holidays, I don't know what it would be. Everyone at this time of year pulls out memories out of some memory hat inside their head. Me, I can't seem to find that hat or else it doesn't exist. For me, Christmas is the same every year: It's exactly what you make of it. This year, my Christmas is going to be a bit more special, but only for me, because I have tried to make it special. I'm not going to have you read some tearjerking tale about how I got my first bicycle or when I was devastated that I found out Santa Claus didn't exist. I don't have a lot of memories like that. But I do remember the days when there was snow, advent wreaths, and trees that weren't plastic. I think now about Christmas and for me, it is more than just gift giving and buying. It's about my faith, my church, my God. It's about finding the right path in your life and going for it. Praying everyday, and working toward something. It's trying to find somebody to love, some road to follow, some food that will bring you to the dinner table, or a movie that will keep you on the couch all day and leave you crying for hours. Basically, it's all the things that will bring out your passion, your emotion, whatever you have and  hopefully will show you that holidays are a little more than what everyone says. Holidays, like life, aren't made of days. Holidays are made of moments. And it's those little moments in life, like driving on a snowy back road, or watching two lovers ice skate on a pond, kiss under the mistletoe, a nice warm cup of coffee on the couch. It's the warmth and the love, the happiness and joy, but also the sadness and sorrow. It's the hope that someone will kiss you underneath the mistltoe or recieving a brightly wrapped present, or maybe a gift from a secret admirer. Whatever it is that makes the season special for you, I hope you find it. And when you do find it, cling onto it, catalog it into your brain, and remember how good it made you feel and strive everyday to follow to make a moment special for someone else as someone did for you. Now, don't look at me and think I'm perfect. It's up to you and it's what you do. It has nothing to do with what anyone else does, says, or believes.

 So I suppose that would be my holiday  blessings, greetings, cheers, and wishes for you. May for find what you are searching for and hold onto it with your life. For me, it's going to be at least until we get back to school that I can tell a person how I truly feel, and God, I cannot wait.

 Love, 

 Bethany

Currently Listening Release the Hounds By The Boondock Saints see related

Canada